It’s that time of year where I post my annual birthday rant. Now that I’m officially in my early 50s I have a lot to rant about. In a lot of ways I’m still the same person I was 30+ years ago. I still enjoy the same things, and I can still do most of them. For example, just this morning I went to the skate park and ripped some virt, even launching out of the top of the bowl once and then landing on my ass. I didn’t fall because I’m going to be 51, I fell because I was pushing it and this is what happens. That notwithstanding, here are some things that do bother me:One of the major problems with being in your 50s is that you don’t know what might be a major sign of something medically wrong and what is just a result of age. For example, I used to be able to tell when I was done peeing. Now if I’m not looking down, I take the risk of zipping up my pants before I’m done. This can be extremely embarrassing when walking into a staff meeting. Also, I’ve always had to get up at least once during the night to relieve myself, but now 20% of my weekly exercise is walking to the bathroom five times a night.
I can tell you from experience that if you go to your doctor and complain about these issues he will run you through a plethora of tests, biopsies, x-rays, and WHOLEY unwelcomed intimacies with a rubber glove only to tell you in the end that “Yep…you’re in your 50s.” Dude! Did I really need to spend $3000.00 for you to tell me that? Not to mention that I’m pretty sure you’ve gone where no man has gone before. I’m thinking I should at least get dinner out of it.
Joint pain has become a common occurrence. I have always had muscle pain. That’s normal for my level of activity. Between running, mountain biking, and ripping the skate parks, I’m prepared for some muscle pain. But now for some reason I have such chronic hip pain that it makes it difficult to sit or sleep. I can stand, but I can’t sit. I even had to buy a standing desk for my office so I can get some work done. Before that I had to get up every 5 minutes and walk around the office.
My eyes are changing. I have always been a little nearsighted. That’s nothing new. However, until recently I haven’t had to wear glasses. I did get a pair about 10 years ago, but they stayed in the case most of the time because I really didn’t need them all that much. Now however, I can’t seem to see exit signs on the freeway unless I’m sitting under them and when I do that it frightens the locals doing 98 in a 65 zone. I do like the glasses though. I can now see what I’m going to hit on the mountain bike before I actually hit it. I don’t miss it…I just know what it is before I crash now.
My memory is going. It takes me about 15 minutes to realize that the reason I can’t find my cellphone is because I’m holding it next to my ear while I talk to someone complaining that I can’t find my cellphone. I can remember with vivid clarity something I did in the summer of 1982, but for some reason can’t recall the name of the person I’ve worked with for the last year. When getting ready for work in the morning I make so many trips to and from my car to pick up things I forgot that I’m considering just buying 10 of everything so I don’t have to remember. It will just save time.
I will say that I wouldn’t change my years of experience to be a 20 year old idiot again, but I don’t see my body falling apart as a fair tradeoff. You would think nature would have provided for a better design. And what’s with my legs wanting to get up and walk around in the middle of the night? I need sleep from all this standing! It would be a problem easier to except, however, if I could just get them to take me in to pee while I was sleeping.
Rex