It’s that time of year again for the annual Fox News War on Christmas! Evidently our very souls are at stake. It is no longer a free society where Santa can run rampant across American skies without going through airport security. You might think this is no big deal, but while the big guy looks jolly in his fluffy red suit, the last thing you want to see on Christmas is Santa standing in line for a pat down in his tighty whities.
I’m so sick of hearing every year how Christmas is under attack. Under attack by who? Perhaps the ASPCA is after Santa? Is forcing a set of eight reindeer pulling a sled with a crap-load of presents and a fat guy more than the liberals can bear? This is not to mention what you have to feed a ninth deer to get his nose to light up. Is the Department of Labor after Santa? Did a set of elves develop a union or something? What about OSHA? Whatever will we do?
Honestly, the only war on Christmas is the one between their ears. Logic and reason have come into contact with their political agenda, making their brains explode. They’re doing their level best to look for any enemy. Without it they won’t know how to fill 1440 minutes of airtime. (Attention Fox News: 1440 minutes is equal to 24 hours, or a single revolution of the earth around the sun. Something we here in modern times call “Math and Science.”)
I actually heard someone on Fox yesterday talk about how they couldn’t believe how kids are being bullied over their belief in Christmas. Bullied? Really? It’s heartwarming when the people with all the money, all the power, and all the influence still find a way to be the victim. So what you’re saying is that 3500 children in a school are being bullied by one Jew with a menorah and an attitude? Being the odd man out in a large group of kids is a good thing? I wish someone would have told me. It would have made adolescents so much easier.
I will be glad when this war is over. Maybe we can start to focus on important issues like poverty, crime, healthcare, and social equality. These made up conflicts are more than I can take. I mean, what kind of person makes up a war out of false information and a flawed political agenda? Who do they think they are? Dick Cheney?
I think it just makes some people feel better to have an enemy. It gives them a reason to come together. Without that all you would have is a group of people coming up with actual reasons for why their lives are screwed up. We can’t have that. Nothing creates solidarity between a people like a common villain. Just ask Germany.