I was trying to think of a topic to write about. Since most of my articles are based on irony, I was thinking about all the ironic topics I could choose. When I considered the multitude of options, my head began to hurt. Then I had to just list them before it would explode. Below is my list:
1. Most pro-life advocates support the death penalty.
2. The converse is also true. Those who support the right to choose oppose the death penalty.
3. Progressives believe in evolution, but through their actions, do all they can to stop it.
4. Conservatives deny evolution, but through their actions do all they can to instigate it.
5. Conservatives believe there should be no limits to personal freedom, but are more likely to pass laws which limit personal freedom.
7. Conservatives believe that sex education promotes pregnancy.
8. Progressives believe sex education helps prevent pregnancy.
9. Teenagers rarely think about pregnancy.
10. In other words, conservatives believe in no sex, progressives safe sex, and teenagers ANY sex
11. If a teenaged boy has sex with his teacher, we think “you go tiger!”
12. If a teenaged girl has sex with her teacher, we think “let’s feed him to the tiger”.
13. We require two years with a learning permit, three months of training, and a formal written test to get a driver’s license. Yet any idiot can be a parent.
14. To replace a lost driver’s license, they require you to show them your social security card, and birth certificate. To replace a lost social security card or birth certificate, all you have to do is show them your driver’s license.
15. In almost all states, it is illegal to carry a concealed weapon. However, you’re more than welcome to walk around with it in plain sight.
16. Newt Gingrich feels that marriage is sacred yet he had an affair with his second wife while he was still married to his first (who was dying of cancer), and had an affair with his third wife while he was still married to his second.
17. Conservatives think homosexuality is the greatest threat to the American family. I guess I always thought it was infidelity.
18. When a woman says “Hey Baby” to a man in the office it’s cute. When a man says it to a woman it’s sexual harrassment.
19. Adding to the death penalty theme: We are one of the few countries, that if you kill someone, we punish you by killing you.
20. It costs more to make a penny than what a penny is worth.
There are more, but my brain started to hemorrhage, so I stopped.