Much of my father’s and my relationship was like most father/son relationships. He told me what I should do, and I ignored him completely: Often to my own detriment. When I was 11 years old, I watched as my father gave the eulogy for his father. He swore then, and many times hence that he didn’t want a funeral because, for one thing, he never wanted me to have to go through what he went through. Therefore, in keeping with tradition, I’m ignoring him completely.
Dad was a giant of a man, for many years in stature, and certainly in personality. Few people have the ability to befriend individuals from any walk of life. Dad had the ability. He could carry on with lawyers, doctors, politicians, rich, poor, young, and old with equal skill. It’s likely why he was able to deal with a wayward teenager without killing him.
Part of this skill, I have no doubt came from the fact that he was born to a construction worker with a 6th grade education and a school teacher. That kind of lineage tends to offer opportunity rarely found in today’s world. You get to see two sides of an argument and understand them. That’s a rare skill, and one that is in short supply today. He could be kind and caring for sure, but he could also be obstinate and unreasonable. It’s a good thing none of that rubbed off on his children.
With that said, he absolutely loved all of us. He loved talking to his kids, and our spouses equally. Sometimes the spouses even got top billing. It was no matter. He adored hearing from us and talked to anyone within earshot about what we were up to. I’m sure many people knew more about what his children were doing than his children knew. He was proud of all of us, and happy he could rely on us when he needed us. We certainly relied on him when we needed him. Over the years he helped us with cars, cash, food, and even school supplies. This is how most men of his generation said I love you.
He lived almost his entire adult life near his family. He loved all of you by the way, every niece, nephew, grand niece and grand nephew and loved it when he could see and talk to you. Visits and calls were talked about for weeks after, and he was proud, very proud of everyone’s accomplishments. While he was the last of his surviving siblings to pass, he never forgot them, or his parents for that matter. Especially granny. As with all of us that remember her, especially her.
He adored his grandchildren as well. He loved talking to you all on the phone and listening to what you were up to. I’m sure he would have loved to meet his great grandchildren as well. They certainly would have loved him. It was hard not to love him.
Dad was always happy to hear, and distribute, the latest gossip, and more than generous with his advice, whether you asked for it or not. After a point we learned that rather than being annoyed by it, we found it entertaining. Eventually we found it endearing, and in the end, loving.
You know, it’s funny but my parents divorced when I was just out of high school. However, they stayed close even until his death. One time when dad was very sick, this was decades ago, I wanted him to go to the doctor or the hospital, and he refused. My parents were divorced of course so I called my aunt Rose for assistance. She laughed and said
“are you kidding? Honey, the only person that could get him to do what he doesn’t want to do is your mother. She’s the only person he’ll listen to.” She was right.
When dad could still drive he showed up at mom’s every Sunday for years with donuts, a news paper, and a carton of camel non filters. When he could no longer drive, he got others to drive him there. He was very grateful for that, for sure.
Dad either called, or came calling on mom at every opportunity to talk about his day and complain about whatever came to mind. In reality It didn’t really matter the conversation, it just mattered that he got to speak to her. He adored my mother until the end. She was his first love, and his last. She deeply cared for him as well. Their mutual feelings of love and respect taught us that no matter what the disagreement. No matter what the conflict, with love, patience, and a little time, anyone can come together. Relationships change, but the core values, the important things that brought us together in the first place remain the same. If anything good comes from the loss of my father it is this: You don’t always have to like someone. You don’t always have to agree with them. But if you love them, and are always there for them, that’s all that matters.
We love you Dad, thank you for all you did for us, and for all that you taught us. We will miss you and love you to the end of our days.
Rest in peace