Is there another war being declared, of which I am not privy? Has congress voted to take up arms against another enemy who threatens our very existence? Who is attacking us? Where are they from? Why do we need an enemy to make us whole? We’ve pretty much declared war on everyone else on the globe, so who are we going after now? Oh yea…Christmas.
Someone needs to explain to my why, every year, Christian Conservatives and Fox news get their panties in a bunch and declare there is a war on Christmas. What war? Who are the Christmas haters out there who have taken on the Grinch banner and decided that we must demolish the holiday? These people are obviously anti-Christian. I mean…they hate Christmas trees, and presents, and Shopping Malls. They’re Un-American! They’re Pagans! How dare they hinder the purchase of my new Xbox 360 to celebrate the birth of Jesus.
I’ve never met anyone who has been offended because someone said Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays. However I have met a few who said someone ELSE would be offended. I hate victims. I’m not talking about people who have suffered a tragedy in their lives. I’m talking about the people who decide that when someone else says something, or parts their hair a certain way, they’re all of a sudden a victim of an innocuous action. “My friend has shingles. The name of your roofing material offends me.” Seriously…get a life. Someone decided they wanted to be a victim, so they make an idiotic statement about someone attacking a holiday.
The real reason we say Happy Holidays is not because someone hated Christmas it’s because there are like 15 holidays between Thanksgiving and New Years. If you’re not carrying a smartphone, or day planner in your hand to reference the day, you’re likely to put “Happy” before the wrong holiday. We’re busy. Happy Holiday’s is just easier. I mean, this is how wars really start. If you think I’m kidding, look up “Weapons of Mass Destruction.”
So Christmas victim, your worries are not based on anything resembling reality. Santa Clause is not being attacked by Amazonian, gay, lesbian, men who want nothing more than to destroy the holiday for you. Think about it…Gaudy decorations and all manner of shiny objects and flashing lights hanging from homes and offices around the world. I mean if you think about it…is there anything more gay than a tree covered in glitter? I think not.
Merry Ho Ho!
Rex