Author: Rex Nipper

The following is from a post I put on Facebook…

I thought I would take a moment to explain my doppleganger selection. It’s actually a funny story. Along around 1967, I decided to dig a hole out of the fence in the back yard where the family often penned me up to keep me from burning down the neighborhood. I figured since they named me after two dogs and a jackass (Rex Francis Nipper), that digging under the fence was a good plan. I love irony..don’t you? Anyway…that’s not the point to the story. When I got out, I walked about a mile down to Guthrie, and E.12th streets where evidently, a large group of older children had gathered and were out riding their bicycles looking for a wayword two year old. Evidently, to my amazement at the time, that was me. I have no doubt I didn’t think I was lost. I was just trying to get away. Even at such a young age I knew I had to get out of Iowa.

Anyway, this group of individuals decided that it would be a good idea to call the police, since the entire neighborhood was out looking for me. When the cops got there, even at two, I knew it was best to lie low. So in my nieve state, figuring that other two year olds would be trying to break loose as well, I gave them a different name. And the name I chose was the only one I could think of at the time. Imagine my amazement, when ten minutes later, I was back in my fenced in yard, and in the arms of the people from whom I was trying to escape in the first place. I learned then, that I must be more stealthy.

The name I had chosen: Charlie Brown.

At the time I would have no idea how prophetic that name would be. In the past 42 years my life has mirrored that of a cartoon character in ways no one could have imagined. I mean I have a big round head with no hair. I was once in love with the little red headed girl. I looked for the great pumkin, and I think Christmas is far too commercial. Let’s face it, the only thing missing is the beagle! Still, I keep trying to kick the ball, even though Lucy is a bitch, because I know, in my heart, that one day I will knock it through the posts!

In the end it finally took me 26 years to escape Iowa. I’ve since learned how to use my talents in an effort to continue staying out of reach. For example, I have, in the past, made some money supplying my talents to Halmark. Something I share with Charlie indeed.

So, while others out there have found that person they physically resemble, I have truly found the one I mirror. Too bad that mirror was supplied by the Riverview fun house.

Rex

I actually wrote this ten years ago in response to a group of fundamentalist organizations lobbying to cut funding for education:

Fundamentalism: Power over the uneducated.

The problem with this affliction is that by it’s own meaning it is limiting. Fundamentals are what you teach children. This is not something that adults should strive to acheive. If all you want is the fundamentals, then you short change yourself. Fundamentalist leaders want the child mind. They want people that have yet to obtain the ability to think critically. They want the moron. That way they can get them to buy into their agenda, and let’s face it, to buy their books. Lazy people want things to be simple. They don’t want anything that requires critical thought and analysis. They don’t want to be challenged. Therefore, Fundamentalists will always look good to the mentally inferior. I live near many of the intellectually challenged. That’s why the Fundamentalists do so well here. The only way to combat this disease is to educate. That’s why many Fundamentalist groups want to cut eductation. Educated people remove their power.

I must be late for retro week. I keep finding these articles online that I wrote long ago. This was for the Iowa State Daily from 1997 I think. I was shocked to still see it on the web. It was in response to a conversation I had with some bone head outside of a class. His frat house was very well known for their racist and sexist attitudes. However, the article says a lot about some of the things I see today. Colorado Springs is having problems getting businesses to move here. A lot of that has to do with many industries’ perspective of the social attitudes. They want a diverse working population, and Colorado Springs just doesn’t offer it. Anyway…happy reading:

A few weeks ago, after one of my classes, fellow students and I entered into a conversation about biology; namely, research that is done to find cures for the many diseases which vex our world.

The conversation went quite well until an issue arose about the 50 physicians wishing to inject themselves with the HIV virus.

During the conversation, one of the young men — sporting a fraternity tattoo — informed the group that he thinks people with AIDS and HIV should be “taken out and shot.” I informed him that I didn’t think his idea would work, but his reply disturbed me even more. “You’re right, some of them would try to hide.”

I want to make it clear that this person was not intending to make a joke. I asked him why he felt this way and in his opinion, this is the best way to deal with the disease and to keep it from getting into the population of “normal people.”

I asked him to explain what his idea of “normal” was, but he was unable to provide a clear answer. It is my assumption that since we were in such a diverse group of students during this discussion, he was unwilling to give his concrete opinion.

I mention the tattoo because of another recent conversation I had. I have an acquaintance who graduated from Iowa State and is very involved with his fraternity house. He feels minorities, especially gays, caused their own problems — whether it be illness or any other issue — and for the rest of the “real world” to worry about it is a waste of time and money.

Being a fiscal conservative, I will admit that wasting money on certain programs to benefit minorities is a waste of money. In fact, it can even be argued that government-sponsored programs geared at enhancing the lives of only a few people in society does more to hurt them as a group than help them.

In no way am I talking about welfare here. There are far more white people who have absolutely no minority ties on the welfare roles than any other group in our country. In my opinion any assistance should be based on need, not social grouping.

But let’s get back to the conversation at hand. What upsets me most about my two examples is that if these people are supposed to represent the greek system it will be thought of as nothing more than a place that fosters hate, narrow mindedness and bigotry.

I am not saying all members of the greek system are as shallow as the two examples I have given. That would make me just as guilty as they are. However, these are the only examples I have.

Fraternities and sororities have the opportunity to shape themselves and their members into productive citizens. Ideas based on hate and lack of knowledge do nothing to increase productivity. The greek system can do, and has done, a great deal of good for the community. A recent walk for Alzheimer’s Disease in which students raised money and awareness for the charity comes to mind.

From a completely economic perspective, the current work force will not support people with these types of attitudes. Major corporations cannot afford to put their companies in a negative light. One of the largest employers in Des Moines, The Principal Financial Group, spends a great deal of time and money trying to eliminate such narrow attitudes.

I can assure you they are not alone. If a person were to come into The Principal with such attitudes, their employment most likely would end.

I wonder, though, if the greek system spends any time trying to make students aware of different ideas and different backgrounds. I hope my two examples just happened to slip through the cracks.

Usually the cause of such beliefs is a lack of education. With the hostility over Catt Hall and how Dr. Jischke handled (or didn’t handle) the issue, I am not surprised to see these types of attitudes on campus.

But I hope members of fraternities and sororities will try to do more to raise awareness. There is more at stake than just your education.

Ok, I realize all too well, that as we go through life, we make some people happy, and others we don’t. However, for some reason, as of late, I have been getting a host of messages from people who absolutely hate me. I have no idea why, and in most cases, I have no recollection of meeting them. I try to get details, but even that seems to be impossible over the rants in capital letters that stream into my inbox.

I do wonder what type of person I was to engender these feelings. I never did mind altering drugs, or drank, so I’m going with the assumption that it’s not all me. It makes me wonder what type of person expends all that energy just to try to make someone else as unhappy as they are. Is writing the person you despise really going to help all that much, or should you spend your time trying to find the doctor that can balance out your Lithium?

I will admit that I really want everyone to like me. I always have. I don’t think it’s possible, but I do my best. I do take some comfort in the fact that most of the people that I know I have wronged in my youth have fully forgiven me, and are great, and dear friends of mine.

I try to like everyone. Although there are exceptions. I once told my old boss she was “Completely Worthless,” and walked out of the building. What followed was three years of hell in trying to find work, but I would do it again in a flash. I can honestly say that I don’t care for that person, and would most likely just watch her burn if she caught on fire. OK…maybe not, but I would laugh if she tripped over a curb. Ok…I would laugh if my best friend tripped over a curb. You have to admit it’s funny when someone trips over a curb. I guess my point is that I don’t hate anyone. I can’t think of a single person that I hate so much that I would go out of my way to try and make them unhappy. Sure…there are people I don’t care for, but that’s not the same thing. I certainly don’t wish them ill health. Maybe a day filled with mild irritations like a stalled car, crashed hard drive, or cancelled credit card when they pay for their meal, but nothing that causes permanent damage.

What I’m talking about here are people that have contacted me, with deep seated hatred, from things that they claim to have happened to them on my account some 25 to 35 years ago. That’s just weird. Don’t they know that they are still pissed at a child? How can someone function with hatred like that? One message even said that I need professional help. OK…am I the one who needs professional help here? I don’t even remember you. Also, if you haven’t spoken to me since 1978, how can you assume that the person you so intensely despise is the same person you have, as one person said “spent all my life trying to find you to tell you off.”

I had an incident that some of you have heard about that happened at the Iowa State Fair over 15 years ago. I had seen this person I had not seen in 20 years. I asked them how they were doing, and tried to have a conversation. At the time I was running a consulting service in Iowa, and had been teaching and taking classes at Iowa State. They just couldn’t grasp that as a concept. I admit I wasn’t the best student, but I wasn’t a hardened criminal. They kept thinking I was lying to them. When someone else came up to talk to me, I just said “hey…maybe I will see you later,” and that was it. I saw them later in the evening and called out to them, and got a look like I pissed in their beer. I had no idea what I had done. When I saw them with their friends, they just kept looking at me, pointing and talking like it was high school or something. I’m not sure what the deal was, but it threw me for such a loop, I didn’t go back to the Fair for three years.

I have always been a polarizing figure. I have never heard of anyone say “Rex eh…he’s OK.” It’s usually, “What an asshole,” or “He’s frickin’ hilarious!” Although just once I would like some woman to say “I’d like to tie him up, cover him in oil, and bang him like a screen door in a hurricane!” I think that would be nice. But telling me you hope I die, go to prison, fall off the face of the earth, am hit by a car, stabbed, shot, or poisoned to death is way over the line.

So, I will take this opportunity to apologize for my indiscretions as a child, adolescent, teenager, etc. I truly am sorry if anything I have done has ever hurt anyone. It was never my intention to have you carry this burden all your life to a point you would feel I should no longer exist. I can honestly say, I’m a much better person now than I was then. Life is a learning process, and I’m still on the path. So I will ask that you forgive that child, and learn more about the adult. He’s a much better individual. If for some reason you’re still not convinced, then please do me the courtesy to continue hating me in private, and seek professional help. It’s worked for you all these years. I suggest you continue the process.

Rex

I have been whining so much, I decided to take a different tack this time. I made a list of some of the things I have done for entertainment. This is the primary reason it is not a good idea for me to be idle. You never knew what I will come up with.

1 Climbed onto the roof of my grade school by using the external conduit (two story building…I should be dead) to get on the roof and throw snowballs at cars. It was fun to see the drivers race around the neighborhood looking for someone they would never find.(age 9-13)
2.Broke into my grade school on a Sunday, and moved books around to different lockers (It was the 70s…they had no padlocks). (age 10)
3.Broke into my grade school on a Sunday, and moved the teachers’ desks, posters, equipment, etc., from room to room to confuse them. (age 11)
4.In the summer…got in a large group of kids, and when we saw a cop car everyone ran in all directions for no particular reason. It was fun to see the fat Iowa cop try to catch us (all of Jr. High). OK…after the third time this happened, I’m pretty sure the cops were in on it. (age 12-13)
5.Grabbed onto the bumpers of passing vehicles during snow storms for free rides around the neighborhood (age 10 to 15)
6.Got a group of students to pick up a jerk of a teacher’s VW and turn it sideways in a parking space so they can’t get out until someone leaves (age 13)
7.Learned the train schedule on the switch yard so I could catch a free ride north to Skate East to make out with girls. (age 14 -15)
8.Jacked up my neighbor’s car just high enough so I could block the wheels about 1 inch off the ground. They thought their transmission was shot. (age 17)
9.Dressed up like a police officer, and drove around the neighborhood in a 74 Toyota Corolla harassing the neighborhood kids. (age 15)
10. Switched keyboards around on co-workers computers so every time their cube mate typed, it came up on another screen. (age 25)
11.Rented a Crown Victoria on a business trip, and after leaving a banquet dinner with co-workers did U-turns on a two lane highway as cars passed to see how many brake lights came on. (age 26)
12.Set up a computer to play “Yellow Rose of Texas” every time the boss hit a key. (age 33)
13.During a bathroom remodel, borrowed a mannequin from a local store, and set it on the toilet I removed, and placed it in the front yard with the hand waving at passer’s by. (Age 38)
14.Removed the wheels from a co-workers desk chair after they glued my mouse to my desk. (age 40)
15.Bought the game CLUE for someone that just wasn’t getting the fact that the department Admin was propositioning them. (age 41)

I guess in the end, I was ornery as hell, and still am. I like it that way. It’s fun. Other than the damage to the nerves of a few drivers from snowballs, there was no major damage to property, no one got hurt, and I had a good time. Kids have no imagination today, with one exception. A few years ago I had to take my girlfriend down to pick up her son from the police station. Apparently, he and his friends had “borrowed” construction barricades, and blocked off certain streets, forcing cars to make detours. I got on my knees, in the station, and bowed to my young hero. I thought it was awesome! The ex…not so much. However, he gives me hope that the ornery will live onto the next generation.

Rex