I openly admit, outside of being a busboy, dishwasher, and waiter in my high school and college days, I don’t really know the restaurant business. I have an uncle who owned bars and restaurants, but that doesn’t really make me an expert. What does make me an expert is I go out a lot. I know what works and what doesn’t for me as a customer. And with that said, here’s my rant about what sucks in the Colorado Springs restaurant business.
First, too much focus is spent on gimmicks and ambiance, and none on food. People like good food. You can have the worst service known to man (and some of you do) but if the food is great, you will be forgiven. You can have the best service in the world and the prettiest tablecloths, but if your food sucks you will die on the vine like so many others. There’s a reason most restaurants fail: the food is awful.
I will admit that I’ve been spoiled. I grew up in an area where you can’t throw a rock without hitting a good eatery. The food is generally fresh, and the service is polite and excellent. There’s reason most mid-westerners are out of shape. The food rocks! To give you an idea, my favorite pizza place is next to a packinghouse, rendering plant, and sewage treatment facility. The smell outside can gag a rat…of which there are many. To add insult to injury it’s often featured on the local news under their “dirty dining” segment. Still, the food is so good that on Friday’s and Saturday’s, you can’t get a table. It’s worth the health risk.
I realize Colorado Springs is a tourist town. To some extent you expect bad food and crappy service. You have a caged audience. They go there to see the sites, not sample the local cuisine. Still, can’t you make a little effort? You can tell that most of the food there comes out of the same frozen dinner box I can buy at a Walmart. Quite frankly, I think the roast chicken at Walmart is better than what many of you make in your establishments. At least when I get one of those birds in a bag, I know it’s actually a chicken. With some of you, I’m not so sure.
I’m also a huge connoisseur of beef. I like good beef. Grass fed, or corn fed, it doesn’t matter if it’s good. However I am partial to corn fed. Good beef does not need a pound of salt and seasoning to give it flavor. Good beef flavor comes from itself. If you have to season the hell out of it to give it flavor, than I’m not sure what it is, but it’s not beef. Perhaps horse? I’ve never knowingly eaten horse, but after eating at some of your steak houses I’m not sure I haven’t unknowingly.
Most of all, you should not need teeth to eat prime rib. Good cuts of prime rib should be slow cooked and melt in your mouth. I went to a very expensive establishment in a 5 star hotel in Colorado Springs and had a prime rib that was so tough it could have doubled as brake pads for my car. It was terrible. My shoe leather would have had more flavor. I shouldn’t have to work so hard to eat that I build such a sweat I feel like a need a shower after my meal.
And what’s with the temperature? Bar none, every place I have eaten in Colorado Springs, whether it be a chain or a local establishment, the food is cold. In some cases ICE cold. If I pay for a hot meal, I want my meal hot. I ordered a hot beef sandwich the other day and while the potatoes and gravy were cold, evidently they neglected to tell the cook, to actually “cook” the beef. The meat had ice crystals on it for Pete’s sake. I guess I shouldn’t complain. It was only packaged lunch meat anyway, not fresh, like it should have been. I wish this was rare, but it’s not!
If you’re going to have mediocre food, the least you can do is have phenomenal service. However, it is nothing less than miserable. Case and point: I once went out to a highly recommended establishment. They were actually busy, so I expected a little wait for my food after I ordered. What I did not expect was to be given my check before even seeing my meal. That’s right…I got the bill, but never got the food!
With that said, when my food’s gone (after I have actually received it), and it’s obvious I’m done stuffing my face, wouldn’t you think that would be the time to drop off the check? Evidently not. I’ve spent less time in an auto dealer finance department than I do waiting for the tab. Here’s a clue. When the food is off the plate, or when it is obvious that your patron is done eating, ask them two questions: 1. “Would you like a doggie bag?” If the answer is yes, then bring the check with the bag. 2. “Would you like desert?” If the answer is no, bring the check. If the answer is yes, bring the check with desert. There might be variations on this theme, but in the end, bring the damn check!
Colorado Springs is an awesome place for so many things. You can mountain bike, run, climb, hike, backpack, and go spelunking. What you can’t do is find a good place to eat. So if you’re going there, take my advice. Bring a sandwich. You’ll be better off. Because if you have to live on what they serve, you might not make it home alive.