Ok, I realize all too well, that as we go through life, we make some people happy, and others we don’t. However, for some reason, as of late, I have been getting a host of messages from people who absolutely hate me. I have no idea why, and in most cases, I have no recollection of meeting them. I try to get details, but even that seems to be impossible over the rants in capital letters that stream into my inbox.
I do wonder what type of person I was to engender these feelings. I never did mind altering drugs, or drank, so I’m going with the assumption that it’s not all me. It makes me wonder what type of person expends all that energy just to try to make someone else as unhappy as they are. Is writing the person you despise really going to help all that much, or should you spend your time trying to find the doctor that can balance out your Lithium?
I will admit that I really want everyone to like me. I always have. I don’t think it’s possible, but I do my best. I do take some comfort in the fact that most of the people that I know I have wronged in my youth have fully forgiven me, and are great, and dear friends of mine.
I try to like everyone. Although there are exceptions. I once told my old boss she was “Completely Worthless,” and walked out of the building. What followed was three years of hell in trying to find work, but I would do it again in a flash. I can honestly say that I don’t care for that person, and would most likely just watch her burn if she caught on fire. OK…maybe not, but I would laugh if she tripped over a curb. Ok…I would laugh if my best friend tripped over a curb. You have to admit it’s funny when someone trips over a curb. I guess my point is that I don’t hate anyone. I can’t think of a single person that I hate so much that I would go out of my way to try and make them unhappy. Sure…there are people I don’t care for, but that’s not the same thing. I certainly don’t wish them ill health. Maybe a day filled with mild irritations like a stalled car, crashed hard drive, or cancelled credit card when they pay for their meal, but nothing that causes permanent damage.
What I’m talking about here are people that have contacted me, with deep seated hatred, from things that they claim to have happened to them on my account some 25 to 35 years ago. That’s just weird. Don’t they know that they are still pissed at a child? How can someone function with hatred like that? One message even said that I need professional help. OK…am I the one who needs professional help here? I don’t even remember you. Also, if you haven’t spoken to me since 1978, how can you assume that the person you so intensely despise is the same person you have, as one person said “spent all my life trying to find you to tell you off.”
I had an incident that some of you have heard about that happened at the Iowa State Fair over 15 years ago. I had seen this person I had not seen in 20 years. I asked them how they were doing, and tried to have a conversation. At the time I was running a consulting service in Iowa, and had been teaching and taking classes at Iowa State. They just couldn’t grasp that as a concept. I admit I wasn’t the best student, but I wasn’t a hardened criminal. They kept thinking I was lying to them. When someone else came up to talk to me, I just said “hey…maybe I will see you later,” and that was it. I saw them later in the evening and called out to them, and got a look like I pissed in their beer. I had no idea what I had done. When I saw them with their friends, they just kept looking at me, pointing and talking like it was high school or something. I’m not sure what the deal was, but it threw me for such a loop, I didn’t go back to the Fair for three years.
I have always been a polarizing figure. I have never heard of anyone say “Rex eh…he’s OK.” It’s usually, “What an asshole,” or “He’s frickin’ hilarious!” Although just once I would like some woman to say “I’d like to tie him up, cover him in oil, and bang him like a screen door in a hurricane!” I think that would be nice. But telling me you hope I die, go to prison, fall off the face of the earth, am hit by a car, stabbed, shot, or poisoned to death is way over the line.
So, I will take this opportunity to apologize for my indiscretions as a child, adolescent, teenager, etc. I truly am sorry if anything I have done has ever hurt anyone. It was never my intention to have you carry this burden all your life to a point you would feel I should no longer exist. I can honestly say, I’m a much better person now than I was then. Life is a learning process, and I’m still on the path. So I will ask that you forgive that child, and learn more about the adult. He’s a much better individual. If for some reason you’re still not convinced, then please do me the courtesy to continue hating me in private, and seek professional help. It’s worked for you all these years. I suggest you continue the process.
Rex