How do I say goodbye to the one person who is completely and utterly responsible for everything that is me? I was, am, and will always be a mama’s boy. My mother was my entire world and I can’t begin to reconcile what it is to not have her here to talk to, lean upon, and generally discuss for hours on end the one subject to which she was even more expert than I…me.
As with most children, my relationship with my mother went full circle. When I was a toddler, she was my world, a pre-teen my teacher, a teenager, my jailer, a young adult, my cheerleader, and a young man, my confidant, and a grown man, again…my world. She was the first person I went to for a problem and the first I went to with my successes, and she was the voice and soul of comfort in all things.
I was not, by any stretch of the imagination, a good child. When I was in junior high, my father used to say that he was sure of one thing; It was that he made it to more of my classes than I did. In fact, on more than one occasion my mother would drop me off at one door, and I’d walk out another. However, if my father’s statement is true, then my mother made it to even more, for she was the one who was always there, making sure I was doing the work, even if I wasn’t making it to class. In fact, when everyone in the world, teachers, social workers, family even the occasional police officer had given up on me, and written me off as worthless she was there to tell them, no. He is not worthless. He is not worthless because he is smart, he is kind, and he is my son. He has just lost his way. He will be fine.
After graduating college at 33 (If you haven’t been paying attention, I was a bit of a late bloomer), I got a pretty decent job in Colorado Springs which enabled me to live in the mountains above the city, doing the things I love to do and living the life I always dreamed of living. Today I lead many efforts in the delivery of healthcare information to clinicians around the world including the use of cognitive and AI technologies to help clinicians treat patients in the field. In fact, our work is used today to help clinicians treat victims of the recent pandemic. I only bring this up to make my point that there isn’t anyone who knew me from middle school, high school, or even me, who would have bet a nickel 40 years ago that this would be my life. My mother would have, and she is the reason, the only reason, I have had the confidence, and the perseverance, to achieve any of the goals I have today.
I called mom one time after I moved to Colorado and I said “You know, when I was a teenager, I swore, I mean I SWORE, that when I was eighteen, I would leave Iowa and never speak to you ever again. Now it’s 20 years later, I live 800 miles away, and I call you at least once a day, if not more, and talk to you more than ever I did when I lived there. Without skipping a beat, she said “I planned it that way.”
Mom had a wicked sense of humor. My brother has five children. I didn’t marry until I was 47, too busy trying to raise myself, than even thinking of trying to raise any other children (again…late bloomer). On one of my daily calls to mom she answered the phone and I said “Hi, it’s your favorite son,” again, without skipping a beat she said “How are the kids?” She wasn’t about to let anyone get the upper hand. I knew better though; I am the favorite;).
Actually, that’s not true. My mother loved every one of us regardless of our gifts, or out faults. She was there to celebrate us when we won, pick us up when we failed, and kick us in the ass when we more than deserved. She was 4’11”, usually weighed in at a total of 97lbs and even my 360lb father toed the line when she laid down the law. One of the many times I was in trouble I made the mistake of lipping off to her, as an idiot 16-year-old. The police officer in the room told me later that he feared my father was going to come over the table and throttle his idiot son and there was nothing he could do about it. I laughed. That’s funny, I said. He and I were worried about the other one.
My mother was not perfect, nor was she a saint, which are the exact qualities you want in a good parent. Parents lead by example, and perfection is impossible to achieve, and saints aren’t four steps ahead when you’re trying to put one over on them.
One thing is for sure is that mom was one of a kind. She gave us love, made us laugh, and taught us the greatest lesson of all: to be human. I love you my mother. I am forever in your debt. I will miss your hugs, I will miss your laugh, and I will miss the way you say “Hi honey” after I say “Hi mama.”
So with that I will say Bye mama. I love you.
Rexy