It’s been about a week since everyone lost their ever lovin minds. Things are starting to settle a little bit now and people are getting used to the “new normal.” That’s an interesting term “new normal.” What’s interesting is that people think this is all new, as if something changed. Like when Trump got elected and every white person with a brain and a miniscule of integrity figured out that half the country was racist. Nothing has changed one damn bit. The only thing that’s changed is you now get to see how unbelievably selfish we all are.
I spent the first week of this enormous cluster fuck in Florida, visiting Kennedy Space Center, Disney World, and Universal. Up until the Friday before they all announced they would close on Monday (I mean why kill the weekend), no one down there got the memo that anything was remotely wrong. Life was pretty normal. No one was wearing masks, people were just their normal, sweaty and rude selves. When I got to the airport to come home I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was just the normal travel Monday with a packed airport, and a packed plane. The only eventful experience was that I was in first class with a reclincing seat and a foot rest for my four hour flight back to Denver. Every flight should be like that!
When I landed in Denver it was no big deal either. I had seven phone messages and 228 emails from my office from people who needed answers to various questions, or just trying to justify their jobs. This was normal. Then when I did my 90 minute drive to Colorado Springs and stopped at the grocery store, that’s when I saw it. Everyone had lost it! The first thing I noticed was that every paper product, down to coffee filters was gone from the shelves. There was no milk, bread, beef, or cheese either.
What I determined from all this is that you all eat like shit! It’s no wonder the country is so fucking fat! I had my pick of fish, chicken, vegetables, and healthy choices were everywhere. What was goine was all the sugary cereals, fatty foods, and processed EVERYTHING. It made me wonder why any of you are worried about his invisible virus. You’re all dying before you’re 60 anyway from heart disease, diabetes, and a host of other co-morbidities associated with poor food choices. In fact I’m surprised any of you made it this long.
Oh, and what the hell did you people think before you started washing your hands? Seriously…I need to know. I myself have been in more than one men’s room and walked out of the restaurant when I saw the cook leave the bathroom after wiping his ass to go prepare food. Did you not know that you needed to wash? Is this something you just learned? Did you spend all these years wondering why you had the shits?
The last thing I can say is that I am completely confused as to why, during a crisis, people think they need 17 cases of toilet paper and paper towels. What is going on in your little brain that you think “hey…a crisis is coming…I may not be able to breath in a couple of weeks, I need some Charmin! Seriously…I wouldn’t rely on any one of you in a crisis. When the Titanic finally does go down, I’m launching the first lifeboat with my wife and just gonna sit by and wait until you idiots reorganize the deck chairs.
Rex