Ranting Rex

When I first moved to Colorado Springs in 1994, I went to a bike shop, bought a Pike’s Peak Atlas and started my quest to ride every trail on the map.  I almost completed it too, finding that many of the trails weren’t really mountain bike friendly or I didn’t have the skills to ride them.  Then over the course of the next couple of years, I got stronger. I was able to ride things that before, I could only dream of riding.  That’s the way it is supposed to work.  You keep trying until you can achieve the goal.  Not anymore.  Now some mamby-pamby, breast-fed-till-puberty wannabes have destroyed some of the greatest trails in the world.

About twenty years ago common knowledge was that if you wanted kick-ass single track you stayed far, far, far away from Denver.  First the trails were so busy that it made it impossible to ride, second, the trail organizations were such wussies that you wouldn’t have been shocked if you saw handrails.  Groups with great intentions for removing trail erosion destroyed the natural characteristics of the trials, turning them into what amounts to a nature path designed for 90-year-olds who can still make it to the bathroom without shitting themselves.  

Now these groups have moved south and the trails are really starting to suck!  The most recent indication is that they have started venturing into Cheyenne Cañon.  This used to be one of the most premier areas to ride.  For decades it was primarily motorcycle trails, but after the Waldo Canyon fire the trails were closed to motor vehicles and the hikers and mountain bikers began to enjoy some of the most primo trail network on the planet.

There is a history here, however. Before the canyon the first place the trail police showed up to was Red Rock Park.  This was an old landfill the city acquired from private owners.  At one point it was even a trailer park.  About a decade or so ago they opened up the area to trail users.  This area was awesome!  You had to have some skill to ride there and it was a nice foothill trail system that before was just an eyesore.  Then all of a sudden the trail police showed up and turned the park into a shadow of its former self.  Now all you need to ride there is a 16 inch K-mart special with training wheels and hard rubber tires.  It’s sad. No skill level is required. Oh sure…they have a very small freestyle park, that 2 people use, but that’s about the end of it.

Back to Cheyenne Cañon. Just last year they took great effort to screw up one of the best single-track sections in the state. You got there by climbing up Buckhorn and into a small canyon along Bear Creek. Then you would ride along a stream bed over some chunky brick-like rocks to an area called Jones Park. From there you could ride all the way up to a fence that blocked access to a mountain reservoir.  Another route to get to this trail was to ride up to a place called Frosty’s off Old Stage Road and take the BEST DOWNHILL EVER into Jones Park and then the trail back to Cheyenne Cañon. It was the shit!  I could rip that thing like a boss!  Now they removed the downhill all together replacing it with a set of gutless, worthless, whimpy switchbacks you can ride no-handed up or down.  To top it off they’ve let the motorcycles back and the trails are so guttered and loose that the only way to get any speed is to have 125cc’s.

This summer the group moved into Ute Valley Park.  It wasn’t the most technical place to ride already, but it did have some nice natural challenges.  Over the last few months though, they have turned it into another gutless waste of dirt. Every minor bump has been turned into this flowy, no jump, zero challenge, little sissy-pants piece of nothing. It makes a real man cry.  Seriously…stop! You’re making me cry!  

To add insult to injury, last weekend I was up at Indian Creek west of Sedalia. This used to be one kick ass downhill. Years ago someone built a set of jumps on the east leg of the trail down toward Waterton Canyon, and they were awesome! With moderate speed you could get two to four feet in the air. Now all of them have been carved down. Some witless twit ripped out all the jumps. Sure, you can go fast now, but all the challenge is gone. Congratulations…your mommy will be so proud. Go have some breast milk.

It has become clear to me that the E-bike generation has taken over.  No more is it required to actually pedal.  You just get a group of West Coast Wanabees to come out and pave the trails for you so you can ride your wannacycle.  “But Rex…if it wasn’t for my e-bike, I’d never have gotten off the couch.”  Sure…be proud of yourself.  You put down the donuts for 15 minutes and got on your moped.  I’m so impressed. Yesterday I had a guy with no lower legs, on a regular bike, pass my ass up a climb. You’ve done nothing.  Your e-bike is an electric motor scooter, and you’re a gutless pussy. Seriously…dude had prosthetic legs!  

We are now in the era where the generation that’s supposed to be having children were once getting trophies just for showing up. I see it in my professional, and in my personal life.  They have no idea what it takes to work.  Life should just hand things to them.  Their parents made so many excuses for their worthlessness, that now they can’t be anything but worthless.  They just sit there, wet their Gucci diaper, and wait for mommy to take their lazy 30 year old, living in their parent’s basement ass, up the hill so they can coast down. 

No wonder birth rates are down. No one has any balls.

Rex

Addendum:

Over the Labor Day weekend I decided to go to Crested Butte and ride Deer Creek. The reason this trail was so cool was because about half-way through the 30 mile loop around Mt. Crested Butte you had this miserable gut-wrenching climb to get to one of the most beautiful views in the State. It was a REALLY hard climb and those of us who made it without dabbing, got to brag about it for a year until we did it again.

Well…guess what! Not anymore! They took out the climb and put in about 10 switchbacks for the e-bike crowd. Seriously…it makes me long for the days of rigid bikes (what I was riding the first time I did that climb) and cantilevers.

Sure…the climb is still hard, but it’s not noteworthy hard. I weep for the future.

Granted I’m follicly challenged so it’s fair to assume that my complaint of the man bun might just be sour grapes.  I will openly admit that if I had the choice, I would have a full head of hair rather than the shaved nut I sport today.  Then again, as I sit here in my Levi’s, Brooks Brother’s button down, and Lucchese boots, I’m also reminded that my style is the polar-opposite of what you would expect from a man with a bun.  In other words, I lean more Marlboro Man than Little Debbie.

When I make it into a gym, or on a run, I’m incessantly met with immature man-boys who think somehow a beehive is a good choice over the simple pony tail.  It’s not.  Go with the pony tail.  Hell, you can even go the full Willy Nelson and braid it.  I don’t care, but when you pile the hair on top of your head, you look like an idiot.  No man should strive to look like their mother going to a dinner party unless you plan to also wear her chiffon as well.  This isn’t a gay straight thing.  It’s just…bad…taste.

I seriously want to know what goes through a man-boy’s head when he wakes up in the morning, checks his facial tattoos, puts rings in his nose, and gauges in his ears and thinks “Hey…you know what will set this look off?  A bun!”  No! NO NO NO NO NO!!!  Don’t do that!  You’re settling for a life of pushing your skateboard to the bus stop for your dish washing job.  Think ahead lad!  Think ahead!

Attitude is everything in life, and while there might be a few of people who think they can pull that look off, most of them are working carnival row at the county fair…as the freak.  No one should want a life where parents look at their children and say “Keep screwing up, and that’s where you’ll be.”  I’m not judging you on whether you’re a good person or not.  Tammy Faye Baker was a GREAT person (her husband was an ass).  I just wish someone would have stopped her before she got to the makeup counter a the Dollar Tree. 

Let’s face it, unless you’re Marlon Brando, or Joe Manganiello, you really shouldn’t try the style.  It’s also fair to point out that one of those guys was a bisexual man-whore, and the other one is married to Sofia Vergara.  I challenge you to question either man’s masculinity.  I do hope however that at some point during their relationship, Sofia has looked at the top of Joe’s head and said “no.”  Then again, my wife pointed out, if he’s coming sweaty out of the gym, she’s likely not looking at his hair. 

Fair enough.

Rex

The first thing you learn in college is to think critically.  The idea is to challenge preconceived notions and prejudices learned in childhood. Many people fail their first year in college, because they can’t make the leap from dogma to reason.  Faith becomes the primary driver in their lives, and when their ideology is challenged, they lash out.  The earth is not round.  It’s flat.  If you don’t believe me, I’ll burn you at the stake.  See Galileo.  Heretic. 

Critical thinking is the reason I love irony.  I love the irony of a President who does nothing for the people who support him. I love the irony of a political machine that claims to support the military but does nothing for its troops. I love the irony of a group who claims to be so red-blooded American that they drape themselves in the flag of traitors.  I love the irony of a group that claims life is sacred, but overwhelmingly supports the death penalty.  Truth be known, these are the things that make me giggle.

Marie Antoinette had no idea what was to befall her before the French peasants stormed the Bastille. When I think of her I think of people like Ivanka Trump, and Education Secretary Betsy Devos.  Now there’s an irony for you.  Betsy Devos, the most uneducated person in history overseeing education reform.  I’m pretty sure between the two of them, they have no idea why anyone in the world would be angry and disillusioned by the world today.  This is the same group of people who thought that when government workers weren’t being paid, they could go to a bank and just get a loan.

Then there are things that go beyond irony.  Things like when the working class believes it is going to be saved by the billionaire class. It reminds me of when Rebel forces got slaves to fight for them.  It’s not ironic so much as criminal.  The people that have abused them more than any other in history is all of a sudden going to be their saviors.  They are told that the poor, the people with nothing, not even a pot to piss in, is taking all their wealth and opportunity, while the rich, the ones with ALL the wealth, and ALL the opportunity, are the ones they should lay their trust.  Now THAT is something!  

This brings me to the upcoming Presidential election.  The Democrats think they need to bring decorum and decency into the White House. They’re right of course.  However, the irony of ironies is that singing Kumbaya and asking us all to hold hands won’t win this election, and they want to win.  Trump’s supporters want a blood bath.  They want to see WWF.  In fact, if the Democrats want to win, the first thing they should do at the very first debate with Trump, is instead of shaking his hand, walk right up to him, and punch him square in the teeth.  It will delight the Left, and the Right at the same time.  

Ironically, for two completely different reasons.

Rex

I’ve just moved my site to WordPress because google was a master of clusters. Therefore, I now have to wait and load all my posts to this site. I’m hoping to find an easy way to do this, but if not, it will be a lot of cut and pasting. Either way, look for some new information to be loaded as soon as I can figure out how all the squirrels work on this thing. Until then…

Get the hell off my lawn!

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