It turns out that Harold Camping, an 89-year-old one-time civil engineer and once Christian radio host, was right, and the rapture did come last night as predicted. However, not everyone was able to participate. As midnight rolled around all over the world, evidently only the most devout right wing Christian Evangelicals were privy to the experience. Said Camping at 11:59 last evening just before he burst into flames “Stand back.”
It appears that Camping was not the only one to be taken by the almighty during last night’s rapturing. Rabbi Amiel Hirsh said “I vas standing here talking to my friend Reverend Patrick, and ‘poof’. There vas a big burst of flame and he vas gone!” When asked if Rev. Patrick had anything to say before he left, Rabbi Hirsh said “Nope…just…poof!”
Not all Evangelicals were able to experience last night’s rapture. It was noted today that Fox News, who for years has espoused their Evangelical Christian values, is still reporting. There’s still no word however, if Sarah Palin, or Mike Huckabee were unlucky enough to escape last night’s events. As of this report, no one has heard a word from them. As Mike Smith, spokesman for Fox News states: “We’re not sure, but it’s a rare hour that we don’t hear Sarah’s vast wisdom.”
According to Mike Jones, economist for the Obama Administration, “It appears to be a win-win for everyone. With millions of ultra right wing Evengelicals now out of the workforce, unemployment has taken a dive to 3%.” However, economists from a prominant Washington think tank don’t agree. “It is true that millions of jobs are now open. However, these were jobs that most people wouldn’t do. It appears that the most devout of Camping’s followers had little or no education. They were easily influenced, and lacked really the basic skills to stand erect for long periods of time. Therefore, the jobs that are left behind, will most likely have to be filled by house plants and trained monkeys.”