Monogamy – Ranting Rex

Yesterday I was listening to an Amy Schumer interview on NPR about her new movie. A lot of the discussion was around relationships, monogamy and the concepts of commitment. If you’ve seen some of the scenes in her new movie it’s hilarious! Her movie and her interview pretty much argues that monogamy isn’t realistic. I’m not sure that’s true. At least I hope it’s not.

When we first start dating as teenagers, it’s easy to be monogamous. Most of our relationships only last about a week. Even for a teenager it’s not hard to keep from lip locking with someone different over a seven day period. By the time we’re in our 20s we’re looking for someone to spend time with. The problem is most people that young are still experiencing life, and haven’t really decided who they are yet let alone who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. By the time we’re in our 30s most people know who they are and what they want out of life and are ready to settle down. However if you’re in your 40s and married, and still fooling around then you either need a new relationship, or you need to grow the hell up.

I waited until 47 to get married. A lot of that was the fact that I was constantly moving, and was more focused on making a career for myself than getting involved with other people. The other part was the fact that I would see my friends in other relationships and see how miserable they were. Some of them were miserable and sleeping around and others were miserable because their partner was sleeping around.

Some of the conversations I’ve had with married people over the decades are so ridiculous that they bordered on absurdity. It’s crazy how many times I heard guys say “I don’t know why it didn’t work out. She just left.” Well…I’ve only known you for a year and you’ve slept with like 30 different women. Perhaps that’s why?

Men aren’t the only ones I knew who cheated either. Women were just as guilty. The difference is a woman will justify it in her own mind as if it’s her partner’s fault she’s cheating. As if he tied her up, unzipped her pants, and forced her on top of the person she cheated with. I will say however that at least she’s not dumb enough to question how the marriage ended if she gets caught.

I’m not saying I was an angel by any stretch, but I at least tried to be honest with my partners and myself and had no illusions about the relationships I entered. I can say that the result of watching these train wreck relationships wound me in such a protective cocoon it’s no wonder I waited so long to make a complete commitment to another individual.

Too many people act like monogamy is a type of celibacy. You’re not in prison, you’re married. I’m not saying that relationships don’t have problems, but you’ve made a commitment to someone and if you’re not willing or able to keep it, leave. Life is too short to be miserable, and you should have enough respect for yourself and the person you’re with to either be committed to them or let them find someone who is.

I absolutely adore my wife. She’s the daughter of an iron worker, and a personal injury attorney who likes to run marathons. At the same time she’s tough as nails and one of the most vulnerable people I know. I’ve seen her be the most gentle person imaginable, and then eviscerate opposing counsel. It doesn’t even cross my mind to be with anyone else. It’s not only because I find her sexy and alluring, it’s that I can’t imagine the hurt and devastation I would see on her face if I betrayed her. It has nothing to do with the visions of my testicles splayed out on the living room floor.

Rex

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